I have discovered why I can never get anything done when my kids are at home. Every time I start a task, someone comes in and is all, “Let me tell you about my dream last night.” Thirty minutes later, I know how many multiplication tables they have memorized, the life cycle of a plant, and what their best friend Demonte had for lunch last Thursday.
That awkward moment when part of your lunch falls out from your shirt…at 3 p.m.
Got some library books and bought some tea. Operation Hipster has been engaged.
Ben: Why is there a picture of your nose on my phone?
Me: I thought I had a booger and when I went to check, I accidentally took a picture.
PEOPLE, THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn’t recognize the show my son was watching on Kids YouTube. I panicked and started speaking in a high pitch tone, repeatedly asking what he was watching. “It’s just a show about the World’s most expensive minerals, Mom.” Right…of course it is. Totally something a normal nine year-old would watch.
Kingsley: Did you guys hear that racket upstairs?!
Me (to my husband): Is she a 90 year old woman? Why is she talking like that?
Yesterday, Kingsley got out of the car at school! It only took 100+ days! Yes, there was pushing and pulling and I believe whimpering and tears, but SHE GOT OUT. I was so proud I almost stopped the car and walked her in as a reward.
Something happens every morning around 8:15. My kids lose their memory. “Go brush your teeth” is something I say every single day. “Get your shoes on” comes out of my mouth at least three times in one morning. Do they forget they need shoes? Are kids at school barefoot because they forgot shoes are a daily wear staple? “Put your coat on,” I say to a kid in a tee shirt and pants whom has already put on a hat and his book bag.
“Why?” he responds.
“What month comes after January?” I ask. “Is it July? Does July come after January? Yesterday there was frost on the ground and you think today you won’t need a coat?”
“Yep. Global warming, Mom.”
“You’re nine. Stop being smart. Talk about Minecraft and get your coat on.”