Facebook and I broke up a while back. I loved Facebook more than it loved me. I would say that the split was amicable, but I would be lying. I left a lot of friends behind after the abrupt termination. I miss them. Facebook beckons me back with its constant “Would you like to log-in?” But it also shuts me out, “This page cannot be viewed.” I don’t know if we will ever get back together. Ever. For the time being, I have #fbf, a day in which I construct a blog post of all the things I would have posted on Facebook this week.

Thanks for reading, y’all.

Spent 10 minutes on Pinterest researching thigh-slimming workouts. I couldn’t find any that I could do while lying in bed with a book, so I gave up and ate some Goldfish crackers. Okay, I ate my daughter’s snack. Whatever. She will survive.

Why does my daughter hand me her boogers? Do I know a better place for them?

Confession: I ate oatmeal this morning. Milk covered dirt would have tasted better.

Is there anything more disappointing than paying a semester’s worth of community college tuition for some grapes, only to get them home and find out they suck? Can you take grapes back to the grocery store?

I have two children and yet I know nothing about infants or giving birth. I am always asking my friends about it like I haven’t ever experienced it. I think I have blocked out a good three years of my life.

Chocolate diamonds? No. Chocolate shaped as diamonds? Maybe.

Who gets up, showers, gets dressed, puts on their face, and does their hair BEFORE having coffee? Who?!


Conversations with my daughter, Kingsley:

Kk: Can you get me a juice?!

Me: You can get one yourself.

-10 minutes later-

Kk: Like I said before, “Get me a juice!”

Me: Get a job, buy a home, buy a fridge and get your own friggin’ juice!

**I got her the juice.**


Conversation with Kingsley #2:

Kk: Mosquitos suck your blood and then they lay eggs.

Me: That’s how babies are made.

Kk: Really?!

Me: Yup. That’s what happened in Twilight.

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