Ridiculous Things My Husband Has Said/Reasons Why I Love Him:
- Once when my husband and I were only dating, he came over and I was in the midst of demolishing a bag of chips. Red Hot Riplets to be specific. Red Hot Riplets are a St. Louis thing and they are phenomenal. When I was in the military, my mom would mail them to me. It’s almost an addiction. Anyway, I was halfway through a bag when Ben stopped by. He said he had never heard of them. The fact that he had never had one and claimed to be a St.Louis citizen was mind-boggling to me, so I made him try one immediately. Shortly after he popped a few into his mouth, he began to sweat. His eyes grew wide and he said, “I wanted a snack not a workout!” At that moment, I was pretty sure I was in love with him.
- Most men compliment women by saying, “You are beautiful” or “You are so pretty” but not my husband. He usually says, “Your face looks good” or “I like the way your face looks today.” It makes me laugh. I don’t hate it.
- My husband is a sound sleeper. He is one of those men that never heard the baby crying at night. I, on the other hand, am wide awake if the wind blows thinking it is a group of mutants from The Hills Have Eyes trying to eat our entire family. For the longest time it freaked me out that if this mutant situation actually happened, he would just sleep through it. He comforted me by saying, “Babe, when there is danger, my body will sense it and wake me up.” I have yet to see this happen. Unless danger sounds like me going pee in the middle of the night.
- My husband’s body is a machine and not in the way you’re probably thinking. In the summer, he automatically drops weight. Like a lot of weight. In the winter, he packs on the pounds. Every autumn when the weight gain starts to happen, he says the same thing, “My body knows winter is coming.” Very Game of Thrones, I know. Except not so much.
- Ben has to be very sick in order to go to the doctor. I’m quite confident he has never even met his Primary Care Physician. He just wrote down some random name on his insurance form. He is also a big fan of salt. No doctor and lots of salt are kind of a horrible combination. A couple weeks ago when Ben had the flu, he went to the clinic at Walgreens. He claims that after taking his blood pressure, the doctor took a picture and then high-fived him for being the healthiest person ever.
- I once bought some pretty expensive mascara. Keep in mind that I am very cheap and all mascara is expensive to me. When it ran out, I was worried about buying more. I could buy a burrito from Chipotle instead. I was torn. My husband’s attempt at a comforting response was, “I am okay with you buying good makeup. I want your face to look good.”
While I am partially making fun of my husband, I am truly grateful for him. When dating, I knew I desperately needed a husband with a sense of humor. I am blessed to have found that.