#fbf or Facebook Friday is a place where I write all of the things I would have said on Facebook had I not deleted my account over a year ago. It is a place where I exercise my freedom of speech and complain, or not quite. See what I did there? Smooth.
My kids love Maroon 5 songs. I have failed them in life.
I’m gonna need Rubio to NOT run for President. I kind of promised my son he could be the first Hispanic-American President of the United States. Don’t make me a liar, Rubio.
I’m so cheap I won’t buy new clothes for years. But if the shower curtain liner gets dirty? I won’t touch it. Let’s just buy a new one.
I got all of my hairs cut. My daughter was pissed because I “stole her style.” She is five.
I don’t understand why Madonna is still trying to be a pop star. Sometimes you just have to give up dancing around on stage in a corset.
Spring Break is wearing me out. I have locked myself in the bathroom more than a dozen times, I hid in my bedroom and pretended to have West Nile again, and I have answered “What are we doing tomorrow?” 37,000 times. I have contemplated dropping them off at school and seeing if they could find their way back home. I would make it sound fun and even reward the first to make it home. I’m so good at parenting.
Actual conversation with my daughter:
Me: You need to get in the tub. You are disgusting.
Her: Why? I’m just gonna get more dirty because you don’t sweep the floors enough.
Another conversation with my daughter, this time in the car:
Her: I am starving.
Me: You should have eaten your breakfast.
Her: Good thing I ate those two Vanilla Wafers.
Me: What wafers?!
Her: The ones I found on the ground. You should have packed snacks.
Me: We are going down the street for one hour. You will survive.
Her: Only because I had to eat food off the floor.