Facebook Friday! I’ve been slipping with these. I have a million excuses. None of them are good.

In case you are new to this, Facebook Friday is a place where I put all of my fake Facebook statuses in one place. I quit Facebook over a year ago. I enjoy saying random and nonsensical things. I do that here.

Here is the random nonsense I came up with lately:


  • For years, my husband has claimed that the flu vaccine is made from his blood. Guess who got the flu last week? Yep, My husband.  I’m aware that this is a plausible reason for why the flu vaccine failed so many this year.
  • I had to Google how much a stamp costs. I barely know what year it is, people.
  • Last week, my husband almost passed out in the bathroom. I could not stop laughing. I was laughing so hard, I was crying. I laughed so hard I couldn’t fall asleep. I am possibly the least compassionate person I know.
  • I love how everyone on Friends sits around and talks. Like to each other’s faces. No one is texting or watching TV. Maybe that’s why so many of them hook up with each other … boredom.
  • Just saw a cat driving a Nissan Murano. People out west are kind of weird.
  • Drove by a business that rents lasers. Remind me to look into that. Who doesn’t want to own a laser?
  • Shaving-your-legs season is expensive.
  • When I fill out paperwork that asks for my occupation, I always put “being awesome” or “discipline dealer” or “bada$$ mom.” People don’t take Stay-At-Home Mom very seriously.
  • If the grocery store is out of Honeycrisp apples again, I will make sure everyone in that entire establishment loses their job. It is 2015. They have cloned a sheep. People are planning on moving to Mars. Figure it out apple farmers. Figure it out.
  • There is not a single wooden spoon in my home that has not caught fire at one point in its life.


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